For the Italians
Because I'm half Italian (as well as Sicilian and a bit o'Irish), a KIC member, Marian L., sent the following list of characteristics about "doze Italians" and asked:

"Is this true, Marianna?"

My reply: "Absolutimento!"

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

The true Italians will love this, those of you who are married to Italians will understand this, and those of you who are friends with Italians will remember and will forward it to their Italian friends.

THE LIST

-Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook.

(Marianna's Comment: I don't know if this still holds true for my generation - the 1960 kids - but it held true for some of the older generation!)

-There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard.

(Marianna's Comment: Well, maybe not always a statue, but certainly there were religious pictures!)

-The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open).

(Marianna's Comment: This is also true. We call them "bombanierre" and we use them not only for wedding favors, but for baptisms, First Holy Communion AND Confirmation celebrations, and wedding showers. And if you've never eaten a fresh candied almond, you DON'T know what you are missing!)

-A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra in the dining room.

(Marianna's Comment: Ok, now that's an exaggeration. We don't have Frank Sinatra's picture in the living room. We might have Dean Martin instead.)

-God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat Chef Boy-are-dee, Franco American, Ragu, Prego or anything else in a jar or can (tomato paste is the exception).

(Marianna's Comment: You'd better believe it!)

-Meatballs are made with Pork, Veal and Beef. We are Italians, we don't care about cholesterol.

(Marianna's Comment: And with today's low-carb life-style, you don't need to! Try a meatball made from the double-ground meats above and you will never eat any other kind again!)

-Turkey is served on Thanksgiving, AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna and soup.

(Marianna's Comment: Some of us have made minor American adaptions and now we have the turkey WITH our lasagna.)

-If anyone EVER says ES-CAROLE, slap 'em in the face -- it's SHCAROLE.

-If they ever say ITALIAN WEDDING SOUP, let the idiot know that there is no wedding, nor is there an Italian in the soup. Also, the tiny meatballs must be made by hand.

(Marianna's Comment: Oh! That straciatelli! Now THAT's soup!)

-No matter how hard you know you were going to get smacked, you still came home from church after communion, you stuck half a loaf of bread in the sauce pot, snuck out a fried meatball and chowed down you'll make up for it next week at confession.

(Marianna's Comment: None applicable - except for the meatball part. But it was never a matter of sin, because we had already fasted and already received Holy Communion! The problem was not that you would get in trouble with Mom for messing with her dinner. The real trouble was that you wouldn't eat your dinner when it was served, but you'd want those meatballs again when it was bedtime!)

-Sunday dinner was at 1:00. The meal went like this...

-Table is set with everyday dishes...doesn't matter if they don't match... they're clean. What more do you want?

(Marianna's Comment: At my nonna's house, two linen tablecloths were placed on the table. The better one went on the bottom, the every day one on top because somebody was going to splotch the tomato sauce eventually.)

-All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left. Put a clean kitchen towel at Nonno & Papa's plate because they won't use napkins.

(Marianna's Comment: But they would if they are really huge cloth napkins and not the paper variety.)

-Homemade wine and bottles of 7up are on the table.

(Marianna's Comment: Absolutely! And Grandpa and Daddy and the uncles would pick up the bottle of homemade wine and place it against the light so as to comment on its color. Oh, and as for the 7-Up? Think "wine spritzer." Where do you think Riunite got the idea???)

-First course, Antipasto...change plates.

-Next, Macaroni (Nonna called all spaghetti "Macaroni")...change
plates.

(Marianna's Comment: My mother informs me that when she and my father were first married, he actually expected her to give him a brand new, clean plate for every course she served. And he expected about 7 courses. She also informs me that she put up with that for about a week. The 7 courses she didn't mind cooking; the 2 stacks of 7 dishes, plus pots and pans, for just the 2 of them, she did.)

-After that, Roasted Meats, Roasted Potatoes, Over-cooked Vegetables...change plates.

-THEN and only then (NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL) would you eat the salad (HOMEMADE OIL & VINEGAR DRESSING ONLY)...change plates.

(Marianna's Comment: I don't know about this…I recall that our family served the salad first, then soup with bread, then the entrees. But even that practice has changed of late at our family get-togethers!)

-Next, Fruit & Nuts - in the shell (on paper plates because you ran out of the other ones).

(Marianna's Comment: To clarify, nuts in the shell were usually almonds and hazelnuts. And if there were oranges on the table, watch out! Some of the men thought it very funny to make use of the orange peels and squirt some unsuspecting child, until one of the mama's protested in righteous indignation. Don't do that to anybody, please – it really hurts!)

-Coffee with Anisette (Espresso for Nonno, "Merican" coffee for the rest)with hard Cookies to dip in the coffee.

(Marianna's Comment: Those "hard cookies" are called biscotti. Say it after me: Biss-coh-tee. Very good! As for the espresso, it was served in wee little cups which we little girls adored. The boy cousins - who outnumbered us - could care less. The espresso also needed about 16 teaspoons of sugar just to be palatable. And one NEVER adds cream to espresso. It just isn't done.)

-The kids go play...the men go to lay down. They slept so soundly you could perform brain surgery on them without anesthesia. The women clean the kitchen.

(Marianna's Comment: And watch the kids who are getting in trouble BECAUSE the men were resting, usually by sitting and talking at the table, or outside in Grandpa's garden and discussing their gardens. It's the watching of the kids, who were all hyped up on shots of espresso and 16 teaspoons of sugar which led to the next 2 Italian characteristics!)

-Getting screamed at by Mom or Nonna - half the sentence was English, the other half Italian.

(Marianna's Comment: We girls didn't get screamed at. Some of the boys did but only by their own mothers. Grandma's just nodded their heads wistfully and smiled knowingly.)

-Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but can nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you're in the living room.

(Marianna's Comment: Thatsa true. I saw one of my aunts do that once. She missed. Then she laughed.)

-Prom Dress that Zia Ceserina made you...$20.00 for material. Prom hair-do from Cousin Angela...Free. Turning around at prom to see your entire family (including Godparents) standing in the back of the gym...PRICELESS!

(Marianna's Comment: E vero (It's true). Think "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and you'll have a good idea what Italian families are like. As everybody knows, there are two kinds of people in this world: "Doze" who are Italian and "doze" who wanna be...But don't let those Greeks fool you! They stole that line from US! :>